Temple of the Goddess Mystery School Teachings by High Priestess Kim Macy
Kim@KimMacy.com (816) 510-4391
We develop our beliefs about who we are and what we can create our world to be based on our life experiences. Going even further into our connections, much of what we absorb from our parents and family informs who we are today. The question is: How much of your current “Operating Manual for Life” comes from your family of origin and how much is your own? Now that you have told your life story and embraced the work that comes along with this life review, it is time for Shamanic Death.
Shamanic Death is the process of consciously choosing to let go of what no longer serves the expansion of your spirit. Rather than be bound by fears and limitations of your path, you can literally free yourself of the burdens you carry.
Self-awareness is a gift that offers so much peace and clarity to life. To become self-aware, you must ask yourself:
- Why do I do the things I do?
- Where am I still hurting?
- Where do I hold grief and why?
- What do I long for but never ask to receive?
- What are my coping mechanisms?
- What triggers my pain? Anger? Sadness?
- Where do my triggers originate?
- What was my original wound?
- What makes me happy?
- What makes me feel safe?
- What makes me feel calm?
- What makes me feel like I belong?
- What makes me feel loved?
- What do I need right now?
I have noticed that the more I tune in to why I am emotionally triggered, the more I am able to integrate that part of my spirit that is longing for my attention. Emotional triggers like anger, fear, feeling left out, feeling abandoned, not having enough, etc. all point to some aspect of yourself that needs acceptance and love. An example of this is my past relationship with money. I had to identify that I developed fear around money based on the relationship my mother had with money. I remember as a child watching her “DO THE BILLS”. This involved the command-”Hush! I’m doing the bills!” followed by silence in the house, stacks of envelopes and bills spread out on the dining table along with her checkbook and adding machine. My mother who normally was happy and laughing, became super serious when it was time to do the bills.
I lived on my own at 17 and always seemed to have money. I had money for whatever I needed. I discovered I was better with cash than I was with a checkbook so every paycheck, I went to the check-cashing place and divided my money into money orders for specific bills, cash for “living” money and cash for savings that went into an envelope in a drawer in the kitchen. This worked very well for me until I became a mom. Suddenly, we never seemed to have money. And sitting down to “do the bills” evoked that same tension in my home that I remembered from childhood. For years, I got caught up in this cycle until I went through the High Priestess Process of the Magdalene Mysteries. Our facilitator, Anyaa McAndrew, had a book called Money is Love on her recommended book list. The very title pissed me off! Money is love? Bah! Money is the root of all evil was more like it. I had developed such a tense relationship with money and I realized it all stemmed from my mother’s fear around lack of money to support herself and her children after my father died. It was time for me to release fear around money that I developed in childhood, inherited from my mother.
Perhaps you can feel echoes of your past in your current life. Just as we engage in the traditions we learned in childhood like turkey dinner on Thanksgiving Day, we carry on some traditions that are not supportive to the life we want to live now. What traditions are you carrying that are not your own? What is the voice of your mother or father and what is your own voice? What is the voice of your wound?
Identifying the Voice of Your Wound
My wound is Abandonment. It stems from the loss of my father at such a young age. It re-visits me in so many ways through so many different relationships. I didn’t want to be in romantic relationships with men because ultimately, I didn’t want to be abandoned again. Even in my loving marriage, I have observed a tendency to withdraw and pull away from his love when I need it the most. It is a practice to press into my wound and FEEL IT, then respond with what it needs. For me, the wounded part of myself needs acknowledgement and acceptance, not rejection.
In the past, I projected my wound onto my daughter’s relationship with her father. He was not involved in her life (my choice) for the first 3 years of her life. Even after he was introduced, he was never consistent. Finally, he committed to picking her up from school every Tuesday while I worked. One day, he didn’t pick her up. She waited and waited at the park for him, in the rain, and he never came. I was absolutely furious! I blasted him verbally over the phone and cut him out of our lives. The anger ate at me and ate at me until I finally looked at www.RadicalForgiveness.com and did the “Make Room for a Miracle” worksheet. Through the expert guidance of Colin Tipping, I was able to see that the anger I felt actually stemmed from my father’s death and feeling abandoned as a little girl. Sure, I was right to be angry and to set a boundary with her father. But to cut him completely out of her life and not even be willing to listen to what had happened on his end came from my own deep reserves of inner pain.
The Wounded Healer
Each of us incarnate with a specific life lesson we are meant to directly experience while here on Earth. The foundation of that life lesson is found in the Chiron placement in your astrological chart and is known as the “Soul Wound”. Your soul is perfect and divine; it is only the illusion of the EarthWalk and the physical limitations of the earth body that creates the sense of the wound. Although you may have been challenged in various ways throughout your life, if you bring focused awareness to those challenges, you can see how they correlate back to this single wound. It plays out in many ways, through many relationships and scenarios and is meant to give us an opportunity to create conscious understanding of this aspect of Self that is asking for our attention.
Many people ask, “Why is there such suffering on the planet?” I believe it is part of our spirit-selves directly experiencing these challenges and limits in order to ultimately return to the Divine Truth that Love, Understanding and Compassion is the foundation of all life. There is suffering, yes, but to consciously suffer and to acknowledge our inner suffering brings about great cleansing of the ego and helps us return to our true Spirit nature.
The challenges you have been through create the wisdom you carry. It is only through your own life experience that you truly know how to tend to your spirit, how to hold space for others, how to overcome these challenges in a way that is best for your spirit. We gather our own sacred medicine through the struggle of life, through conquering our intense trials and surviving loss, pain, and suffering. By bringing conscious awareness to our times of greatest suffering, we burn through the illusions of the ego and clearly hear the voice of our spirits. This helps us build great inner strength and develop clarity around our personal truth.
Living from your Heart Center
Allow your inner knowing to surface. Breathe in and out through your heart center. Bring your awareness down into your heart, visualizing an emerald green light beginning to emanate from your heart. As you breathe, see the emerald green light grow and expand. Now ask yourself, “What am I ready to release?” Receive the answers as they come bubbling up to the surface. Have a pen and paper ready to free-write words of letting go. Do not edit what your heart tells you; simply write it down to consider later. This is an opportunity to clear your heart of all that you carry. It has a valuable message for you, yes, but it need not burden you with the weight of the message. You have the strength to become conscious of your heart’s burden and free yourself from it.
Shamanic Death Ceremony
Ritual and Ceremony anchor our deep, intense spiritual work in the Earth realm. Its draws matter to an idea and manifests thought into form. For your Shamanic Death Ceremony, you will need to create an altar that reflects the intent of the ritual. Some women choose a black altar cloth and red candles for transformation. You may wish to include images of animal totems to assist your transformation process. Represent all the elements on the altar so that you can transform the body (Earth), the mind (Air), the spirit (Fire), and the emotions (Water). As you give Shamanic Death, you may be releasing a pattern that has been in your family for generations. If so, have a picture of your family members who remind you of this pattern. Goddesses who assist with Change and the Death Process are Oya, Kali, Cerridwen, and Hecate to name a few. You might want to have images of these powerful Goddesses on your altar as well. Ask for their help in your process. Finally, place your Death Doll, representing all that you are letting go, on the altar until time to release her into the Cauldron of Transformation.
Making Your Death Doll
Prior to the day of the Shamanic Death Ceremony, you will make a Death Doll. Choose 100% cotton cloth and natural thread. Simply cut out the shape of a person-you may use a gingerbread “man” cookie cutter to trace the shape onto the fabric. You will need two of the shapes so you can sew them together. On small strips of paper, write statements of release. Examples:
I am letting go of pleasing others
I am letting go of feeling not good enough
I am letting go of the shame I felt from being molested as a child
I am letting go of the guilt I feel as a mother
I give death to fear around money
I give death to emotional chaos
I give death to closing my heart to others
I give death to blocking my magic
I give death to allowing myself to be emotionally manipulated
I give death to being out of my body and always in my head
I give death to feeling disconnected to the Divine
I give death to feeling powerless
I give death to not creating time for my spirit
As you sew the edges of the fabric together, imagine you are stitching all your fears, all your shame, all your lack, all your guilt into the doll. Leave a small opening to stuff the doll with the slips of paper. You may also wish to stuff her with batting or additional fabric. Sew her up.
Shamanic Death Statement
Write a statement you will share with your circle sisters. Each woman will read her statement out loud when it is her turn to burn her Death Doll in the Cauldron of Transformation. An example of this could be: On this day, I hereby give death to distrusting my vision. I now embrace the knowing that all resources are coming together to fully express my vision and my sacred work. I let go of fear around money and a sense of lack of time to offer my vision. I give death to not feeling “good enough” to do precisely what I came to this planet to do. I give death to my inner criticism that questions the wisdom I carry. I let go of what my mother will think of her Goddess-loving Priestess daughter. I now claim my full power and trust the fullness of my vision. And so it is!” You then burn your Death Doll, releasing all that you have been carrying as life’s burden.
Negotiating Your Contract with the Universe
As souls about to enter the Earth School, we set up certain challenges and patterns for ourselves designed to accelerate our learning process. Once we have become conscious of our patterns and triggers, perhaps we no longer need to repeat them. Then it is time to dissolve the Universal Contract and re-negotiate what lessons, challenges and opportunities your soul would now like to experience. I was able to see how I set up feeling let down or abandoned by men and I decided I no longer needed that as part of my life experience. I dissolved that aspect of my contract. I understand how the loss of supportive men early in my life pushed me to step into my own power and become my own authority figure. Fantastic! But now I wanted to experience what life could be like with a loving, supportive man by my side. You may want to include what you would like to dissolve in your original life contract in your Shamanic Death Statement.
Resistance and Fear
Do not be surprised if you find yourself regressing into old patterns and old coping mechanisms while going through the process of Shamanic Death. This is a normal and natural part of the process. As we clear artificial encodements and false messages, our ego is triggered into fierce protection mode. Our ego is that part of us that helps us function in the world and maintain whatever persona we have created to be accepted in society. The Shamanic Death process essentially rips apart the Operation Manual the ego created in order to manage Life. When we take that manual and deem it no longer effective, the ego may balk and use its favorite tool: Fear. The ego may whisper that it is not safe to do this work. It may make the process about someone else, even targeting others in your support circle. It may focus on criticism of the facilitator or even the process itself. Be aware of the messages you receive during this time, both the ones you deem positive and negative. Do what you can to continually turn the focus to YOU…your coping mechanisms, your triggers, your wound, your compensations for the wounded parts of self. You can support yourself through this process by tending to your Root Chakra. The Root Chakra color is red. The message of the Root Chakra is Foundation, the Fight or Flight Response, feeling safe, having physical needs met, connection with your body, connection with Mother Earth and connection with your “I Am” presence. Following are Ways You Can Support Your Root Chakra through Shamanic Death:
- Wear red. Red panties, red pants, skirts, shirts, etc.
- Use Rose Oil to annoint your Root Chakra.
- Carry a Root Chakra stone-Hematite, Red Jasper, Garnet, Red Carnelian and Black Tourmaline.
- Create a Root Chakra Altar with red candles, red roses, a picture of your empowered self, elements of earth and the Root Chakra stones.
- Place one hand on the base of your spine, located at your tailbone and the other on your pubic bone. Say, “Even though I feel some fear and resistance, I completely and totally love and accept myself.” Breathe that truth into your body. You may also like to rub your heart chakra in a clockwise motion and repeat the statement.
As always, clear yourself and the circle by smudging or Holy Water. Set the Intention of the ceremony. Call the Directions. Light the candles on the altar. You will probably want to have the ritual fire outside. Be sure to take your Death Doll and Shamanic Death Statement with you. Each woman will step forward and proclaim what she is releasing, then burn the Death Doll in the cauldron. It would be lovely to have a heartbeat drum for this clearing. After every woman has given Shamanic Death, celebrate with dancing, laughter and music! Release the Directions. Open the circle.